Expendables
The movie was simply incoherent. None of the characters are fleshed out or well constructed. They’re not really constructed at all. Little bits and pieces of personality are thrown in the audience face (Yin Yang’s “family”, the lucky ring, cauliflower ears, and so on) without ever returning to them or trying to weave them into the narrative. It’s as if we’re watching the story notes for lack of an actual script. There is even a scene in which one of our heroes is shot in the back and falls dramatically and not only is this never mentioned again but that same character engages in a wrestling match minutes later.
Aside from the story, or lack thereof, the action was laughable. Comically over the top sequences are reduced to honest laughs by godawful cgi blood and flames that I haven’t seen since video games had FMV sequences. The physics are all wrong, a six shot pistol somehow pumps out a dozen rounds a second, and a small combat knife can somehow instantly slice through bone. Perhaps the worst part is that it’s played entirely straight. If it were camped up a bit with a knowing grin I could have some amount of fun from the experience.
Expendables is an incoherent mess of a film that showcases the very worst in action movies.
